so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize