so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize