i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
