but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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