Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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