Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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