cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
