i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
