piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
