He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
