you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
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isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
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hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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