doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
