Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize