This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
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