Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
