I wish my penis had an off switch
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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