loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
