i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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