If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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