I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
