Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
