No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just gift wrapped bread.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
