Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
