Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
