Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
