I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
