They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Still dying that you shit outside
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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