Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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