U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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