dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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