my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
