he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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