my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
