just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
as a side note pls kill me
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
