Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
