I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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