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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
