The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
