I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
