So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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