I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize