Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
