My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
