so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
