dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
