I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
