God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
