come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
