We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
