can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
