btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
