Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
