Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize