haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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