Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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