I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
don't judge my taste in strippers
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
