you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
