i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
