we're chasing vodka with high fives
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
