the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
